The Gift of Brave Transformation: Navigating Love, Caregiving, and Redefining Success with Kristina Driscoll

As we navigate the rollercoaster of human emotion, Kristina Driscoll joins us, sharing her remarkable journey from heartache to empowerment on the She's Brave Podcast. Together, we peel back the layers of a story that begins with Kristina's own love tale—a spiritual awakening leading her down an unconventional path to marriage—and follows her courageous decision to leave a controlling partner. Our candid conversation explores the essence of true connection and the transformative power of embracing one's authenticity in relationships.

The complexities of life don't end with love; they extend into the most challenging roles we play. Kristina and I discuss the emotional toll of caregiving, specifically relating to Alzheimer's, and the vital importance of carving out time for self-care. Drawing from the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, we emphasize the unexpected gifts found in taking breaks, allowing for present-mindedness and community support to light the way through the darkest of times.

Closing with pearls of wisdom, Kristina divulges her podcasting and entrepreneurial insights, encouraging those crafting their dream life to push beyond rejection and societal expectations. Her advice is a compass for women redefining success in their 40s and beyond, urging listeners to embrace change with open hearts and open minds. Our exchange is a tribute to resilience, the beauty of shared support, and the unwavering bravery required to forge the life you're destined to live.

https://shesbravepodcast.com/

About Tabitha
Tabitha MacDonald is an intuitive transformation coach dedicated to helping people overcome their pain as fast as possible so that they can have the love, freedom and purpose they truly desire.

To work with Tabitha, please visit Mindful Love online. https://www.mindfullove.love.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:35

Today I am talking with Christina Driscoll, the host of the she's Brave podcast, and her podcast made it to the top 2% in less than a year. And in fact, I met her somewhere on Facebook land and she was hosting a free group for people who wanted to podcast and I had an intuitive hit, like a year ago, that I should start it. And I put it off and then joining her podcasting program is what made me finally hit the record button and start this podcast. So thank you, christina, because your efforts were what really sparked me into action. So appreciate it and maybe tell everyone a little bit about you and how you got started.

Speaker 2: 1:16

And yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, tabitha, thank you so much. That was like a beautiful introduction, like that was so kind and nice and it has just been. It was such a joy to have you as a student in my first class, you know, and have people that were like you that could just help me learn how to be a better teacher. Because what really hit? I had an intuitive to hit last September where I really felt like I said I made it to the top 2.5% in five months and then like top 2% in like 10 months and you know I'm not really seeing other people hitting those markers. So what am I doing differently? And I've also become so much more collaborative on this whole podcasting journey.

Speaker 2: 2:03

You know, I don't know if you know this, tabitha, but you know podcasting is the most collaborative industry for you to be in, to work in, because when you yeah and part of it is that it's always a win-win right Like so, when you're helping somebody, they're actually helping you, like it's always that way. You know you're helping each other and it's always a win-win and it's always a win-win and so everybody wants to help everybody else. I know that when I first started podcasting I really had imposter syndrome in a big way, because it's so hard not to compare yourself to other people, like it's. Like, oh my gosh, this person is doing this thing over here. Should I be doing that? I'm not doing that right now. Like, what does this mean?

Speaker 1: 2:47

Like, am I a failure? The reason I don't go on social media is because I walk away with like a lower self esteem about how I'm doing. Okay, so you're already following.

Speaker 2: 2:59

one of the things that you may have picked up in my class I don't know if you were live on that session or if you had a chance to listen to that session, but I do talk about that in one of the sessions is that that was one of my coping tools. But to reel it back a tiny bit about how I got into podcasting, that's kind of interesting too. So I married him.

Speaker 2: 3:17

Yeah, yeah, I married him out a lot older than me and it was really interesting because we met on Mount Rainier. He was the hike leader, got out of the car, just had like this instant magnetic pull and then, like you know, those trails, those hiking trails on Mount Rainier are like super narrow, single file only. But I was like I have to like talk to this guy at some point during this like you know, eight hour hike and so I just literally elbowed people out of the way. You know. Well, not really, I'm just joking, but you know I was like I got a little aggressive there. So I was just like I need to get right behind him because he's my friend and I got to talk to him. And you know, you know, when you just like meet somebody, you just click instantly, like, and you could talk for hours. That's how it was with him.

Speaker 2: 4:00

And, long story short, we were married six months later. But and here's where it gets really unconventional He'd been never been married, never had kids. We both worked in finance, we both were financial advisors, but he was 24 years older than me and you know you would think that people would have been like so questioning us about that decision and there was such a big age difference. But I think when you've really worked on yourself spiritually you know I was really on a spiritual quest in my twenties for a lot of reasons which I don't think we're going to get into today, but I really found myself like I did therapy and I read a lot of books and I was trying to find, you know, just my spiritual path and all of that you know, and I think that if you don't mind, like that is actually what I wanted to ask you about today.

Speaker 1: 4:47

Sure, sure. My mission, my goal, is to actually help people feel empowered in love and relationships and all aspects of their life, and I find that stuff is really kind of what people find inspiring and that's what I want to bring to my listeners is more of like your story specifically around like your love story and then also your heartbreak and how you overcame it.

Speaker 2: 5:14

Oh, wow, yeah, no, we can go in whatever direction you want to go, but you know, okay. Well, let me let me just like tell you a little bit more detail. I had actually married my college sweetheart. We had a long distance romance and just got married right out of college and he was a very, very controlling person and I was very, very unhappy and didn't really know why for a long time.

Speaker 2: 5:40

But long story short, we finally decided to go to therapy and it was actually through the Lutheran church which I was a member of, and I thought that this therapist was going to try to talk me into staying into this marriage and I was terrified to go to my first therapy appointment. So I walked in and then she said I have one really important first question, because this is like going to affect the. You know what we're going to be working on. She said do you want to stay married to this person or do you want to get a divorce? And I said I definitely want to get a divorce. And she said, okay, that's what we're going to work on then, and she had already met with him.

Speaker 1: 6:19

So I think she kind of was like holy crap, like this guy would be really challenging to live with you know and walk in and have somebody actually ask you what you want, Because I don't think it's all being asked what we want.

Speaker 2: 6:36

Especially that long ago, because I'm 55 now. So, and this was when I was like 26. So I was like, wow, you're actually asking me what I want, and I thought you know that wasn't going to be the case. But like and my mother says, the light had gone out in me, really, like I just the joy, and I didn't know it. Like that. I was kind of maybe a little bit depressed, but I just was had low energy, but he criticized me and was very controlling, and so this woman really helped me understand why I had picked this man and how I could prevent. Like I was really motivated, I said I don't want to make this mistake again, like I cannot live the rest of my life with somebody like this, like I would rather be alone, like that's how bad it was, you know, and it's too sick.

Speaker 1: 7:25

And I don't think people realize that chronic fatigue, illness, injuries, that is a consequence of being in a controlling relationship, whether or not the person's a narcissist or not, but like the control and the emotional manipulation actually has physical consequences on people that last a very long time.

Speaker 2: 7:43

I'm so glad to hear that because I looked years later. I looked back on that and I said, wow, like I was exhausted all the time. And you know, I mean, yes, I was a high performer at work, but I just felt like I was barely getting through the day. And but it did actually take a friend who came over for dinner and said, he's, he just did nothing but criticize you the whole night, like you did everything, you cooked, you cleaned your work full time, you know. And she said so what's going on behind closed doors, like that's in front of company?

Speaker 2: 8:13

You know, I was really motivated to not make that mistake again and I never did I never, I never did. I'm I like, well, those controlling men are like I run, run, run the other way. So you know, but then that kind of led me to start, you know, kind of just wondering like okay, do I really want to be Lutheran? Like is that really what I want to be? You know, is that I mean, that's what I was raised. But you know there's something that I don't agree with. And you know I was doing a spiritual quest and I ended up going to a Christian church called Unity that Maya Angelou was a member of, actually, the famous poet. Yeah, she was big time into that and it's, it's a great, it's a great Christian church, very open minded, and, you know, would still consider myself that today. It's just, you know. But it was beautiful to find, like, what fit for me and then also like have the freedom to explore other religions, because in my church we can, we can explore other religions too.

Speaker 1: 9:08

We're not like, oh no, you don't get to learn about other stuff it's not important, especially when you're on your quest to find yourself. Yeah, yeah, you know, ask questions is so important.

Speaker 2: 9:19

Yeah, and you know, and even maybe incorporate some things from other religions. Like, for me, meditation, like you know, it's okay that I do meditation. I sometimes I do meditation in the morning and sometimes I do prayer. You know, and and I really feel, tabitha, that those years of really working on myself kind of raised my vibration, for lack of a better word and to be succinct so, when I met my husband, bill Driscoll, it was like our vibrations matched and had I not done all that work on myself, I think that wouldn't have happened.

Speaker 1: 9:55

You know it was a vibrational match Cause I think everyone gets out of a relationship that's controlling and they think, oh, I'm just going to get into the next one, because it clearly was the other person, but like there was a part or aspect of you that felt like that was a good fit. So like that's, when you do your inner work and then you do, you change the way that you hold yourself, you change your expectations, your values, your ability to hold boundaries, and then that opens you up to have a much different experience in your future relationships.

Speaker 2: 10:26

So I love that, yeah, and it takes time too. Like it was so interesting. I remember at first, when I was dating, like having a couple of experiences where I was attracted to someone who was controlling and then I was like wait, stop, you know, like don't go there, don't return the guy's calls. Like you know, like I was going to say block him. But back then you couldn't block people, no, you just left the phone ring and then they leave you a message on your answering machine Hello, this is Joe calling for the 10th time.

Speaker 1: 10:58

Oh, I remember all the days before phone I was like.

Speaker 2: 11:03

No, I think what I really learned was how to live really authentically. And so when I met my husband even though it was somewhat out of the box, out of like what you know the average person would do I knew it was right for me. And so I've learned to live authentically and I think that that is such a huge key to our happiness is, you know, nobody was questioning us Like hey, are you, why are you two together, kind of a thing. Our marriage was really happy. We had we did have four years of infertility, but you know we had, we had so much fun during those years, just the two of us and then our son was born, who's now 20. And so when our son was five, my husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, and so that was just a really, really scary time, you know to deal with that?

Speaker 1: 11:55

Probably not even something that was on your radar was it. Yeah no, I was 40. I was 40. Oh yeah, and we're not even thinking about Alzheimer's at 40.

Speaker 2: 12:04

Right, it's not even yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:08

And you had a five year old at home. Mm hmm, yep, so how did you get through it? Like, because that's kind of like one of the questions that I have is what's a heartbreak? Because that's a heartbreak, right. Like we always think of heartbreak as a relationship ending, but then sometimes it's when the life you had planned doesn't turn out that way.

Speaker 2: 12:30

Yeah, absolutely Now what? That for sure was the case. Like, of course I knew most likely he would die before me, but like, not that soon, you know. And also it's like you, physically, they're physically alive, but you lose them within. You know, within five years he didn't recognize me anymore, you know. So it was like he was gone, you know. So I felt like the amount of time that we had together was really cut short and yeah, and that's part of your son right, Because he would have been with nine and did he probably?

Speaker 1: 13:05

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:05

Yeah, yeah. When I, my husband, went under care, my son was nine or 10, you know he fell and hit his head and the doctors were like you cannot keep him at home anymore because he was getting combative. I tried to bring caregivers into the home but he was combative with them and they said you don't have a choice at this point. He has to go to a care home. Now it's a safety issue, you know, and those are hard choices to make especially a lot of hard choices.

Speaker 1: 13:32

Think about them ahead of time. You didn't get to have those conversations, probably because it wasn't on the radar, so that's yeah, yeah, you know.

Speaker 2: 13:40

So in asking your question about how I got through it, you know, it gets really intimate because basically what happened to me was I became completely overwhelmed. So I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I was having so much anxiety I didn't know what to do, and when you're not sleeping you really start not thinking clearly. So I didn't know what else to do, so I literally just drove to the ER. I that's what I did. I drove to the ER and I just said I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping, I don't know what's wrong with me, you know, but my husband just got this diagnosis and I need help.

Speaker 2: 14:15

And you know it's, it's like so ironic that sometimes those things, like I feel like that was one of the most courageous moments of my life, because I had a child that I needed to take care of and so I needed to be functioning well, Like I couldn't be just functioning halfway or you know, and and or falling apart. And I just feel like in the time between way back then and now, things are getting so much more open about mental health issues and let's talk about it more. Like. Let's be real. Like you know, it's okay and it was so funny because my friend's husband, who was an ER doctor, was working that day and I was so ashamed, I was so embarrassed, you know, and he came in and he said I'm so proud of you for being here because you know this is a huge life change and diagnosis for you and this is a lot for you to take on and it's okay to ask for help. Like he said, actually I'd be shocked if you didn't need some help.

Speaker 2: 15:16

Well there's Angel, like what?

Speaker 1: 15:18

an angel, what an angel.

Speaker 2: 15:20

And you know, and so I did like I, you know, I did traditional medicine, I did alternative medicine, I started up with counseling again and I continued with counseling throughout the entire 12 year journey. And did I feel great right away? No, but I gradually got better and better and then got back to fully functioning. And there was also an aspect of denial. I think with Alzheimer's one of the coping mechanisms in the beginning is denial because you need a break from it. So I'd go out with my girlfriends that have kids and we'd we would just talk mom stuff, because that just felt so beautiful and wonderful to be able to just have a break from the reality at home and I think, denial or really just giving yourself a break.

Speaker 2: 16:07

Cause.

Speaker 1: 16:07

I like that and I like that. I think we're denying it, but it's like no, maybe I just need a little vacation from I like that.

Speaker 2: 16:15

And you know what? I've told this story at least 40 times. As I've told you, I've been on many, many podcasts and I've never had someone say that to me. Hey, maybe it wasn't denial, maybe it was just needing a break, and I liked that better, and I think that's a better way to even phrase it, because that's what it is.

Speaker 1: 16:33

You know, it's okay to take those breaks and you know, and Well, denial comes with shame, like I'm denying it yes, it does, and the break is like I'm actually empowering myself and saying I value me enough to give myself a little, a little break. Yeah, I think it's something that moms just don't do enough of, even without really intense circumstances, but we just don't give ourselves permission to step out of the problem and do self-care. And that's one of the challenges is that we just give and give and give and then when we take time for ourselves, we're shamed about it, not only from ourselves but from other people, right?

Speaker 2: 17:14

And I also believe that God, the universe, whatever like, helps you. Like once you kind of put defenses down and are like I need help, and then all of a sudden other things start appearing. And one thing that appeared for me was my brother gave me the power of now at cartel and he's like this is the best book I've ever read. Well, I cracked it open and it made. It was just I couldn't figure it out and I didn't understand it.

Speaker 2: 17:40

So but then Oprah announced that she was going to do a cutting edge program where she was going to come on to the internet live on Monday nights with she was going to do the book a new earth it was his second book with Eckhart told, and that you'd read one chapter a week and then on Monday night, after you read the chapter, you'd jump onto this live call with her and Eckhart and they would explain the whole chapter and if you had any other questions and still didn't get it, you could just like tap in your question and then they would answer it. So I was jumping on live and this was kind of a new thing, like nobody was doing this. I don't think he was doing that.

Speaker 2: 18:18

Nobody was doing this 15 years ago. So I did it and by the end of that book I was like, oh, I now understand him about living in the now, like if you live too much in the past, like I could have lived a lot in the past, thinking back about all those happy times before this diagnosis. But if you live too much in the past you get depressed and if you live too much in the future you get anxious. And that was where I was putting too much effort was actually I was putting too much of my energy, my thoughts, into the future, trying to control my future, you know, trying to figure it out, trying to arrange the pieces, which is actually completely impossible. What makes you?

Speaker 1: 18:58

crazy is crazy thinking like you know you want to figure it all out. I'm like you have no clue what's going to happen tomorrow, like, and you know it's- like your power.

Speaker 2: 19:09

Your power is in the now, just waking up in the morning and making the decision that I'm going to try to make today the best day, like I'm not just going to be all cheerful and say today's going to be a great day, because I can say that and a lot of times I do but it doesn't always work and sometimes we have bad days. That's okay too, but I somehow gradually over time, after taking that course with Eckhart and Oprah, it was right after the diagnosis and right after I had gotten like medical help and everything and those two things were a game changer for me, truly yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:41

I love the phrase when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Totally. I'm like, if you like, study trauma in the brain, it makes sense why you couldn't read the book, cause, like when you're trying to survive day to day and like, take care of all of these huge big traumas that are happening, your brain just can't take that information in. And then you have a class and it makes it more digestible. You have someone leading you, you have the support in the community, you have a pace that works. Your brain can start to follow instead of having to try to lead again. So, yeah, amazing, I love that.

Speaker 2: 20:17

Yeah, yeah, we still continue to do some trips. Then you know the three of us and then when my husband went on under care, my son and I took a lot of vacations and even if you don't have a lot of money for vacations, literally a weekend away, two hours away, visiting some friends makes you feel like you're just a different person Again. You're taking a massive break and it's so helpful and healing and that is like a huge tip, I think for caregivers is like just taking a break from all the problems.

Speaker 1: 20:50

That's like so important and it's because you're getting out of your environment, because around your environment you have all of the like external cues that are reminding you of everything. Getting into a new space, especially with your kids, gives everybody a moment to just breathe and go. Oh, there's still life that's going to go out here and, like, pull that and bring it home with us, but yeah, it's so valuable yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:16

And even things like Christmas, like the first Christmas we were at home and my husband came home for a while but he had already reached the point where he was more comfortable at the care home, so he didn't want to stay very long. So I learned a lesson from that. And then the next Christmas I really splurged and I took us to New Zealand where it was summer. We did a hiking tour and it was so different. It was like the most different Christmas to have it be like long summer days and beautiful weather and beautiful scenery. And that Christmas is one of my favorites because sometimes you, I think you do have to get yourself out of those environments.

Speaker 1: 21:57

Yeah, even when I was going through like my divorce, I would take the kids and I had no money, I was like we're going somewhere, like I'm going to learn going somewhere. I learned how to pitch a tent and I'm going to teach you how to do. I love it.

Speaker 2: 22:09

That's exactly it. Even camp, camping and stuff is so fun, like it really is. Yeah, you can make it fun, yeah, yeah. So I'm just gonna try to give you more of a cliff notes version of that part of my life, because I do want to talk quite a bit about the podcasting and how that started. Here's the thing, tabitha it had taken me four years to have my child and I thought I was going to work again, but I wanted to be stay at home mom, like I was so happy being a mom you know, and then when my husband got a diagnosis, I'm like, well, I guess I'm still going to do that.

Speaker 2: 22:43

So I mean, I was still working a bit at home, like doing finances, but I really, according to society standards, I was nobody. I was a stay at home mom and I caregiver, right, I did that for 12 years and I felt okay with it Again, like I didn't care what the Jones's next store thought. I was like this is what feels right to me, to be really present for my son and my husband, and this is like the right path. And this is my spiritual growth. And I also learned from a counselor way back when, somewhere in the beginning, he said to me something like you know, the universe is not against you, the universe is conspiring in your favor, Everything that's happening to you. I know it's hard, but it's all for your benefit, it's all for your spiritual growth. And I've always remembered that and that like really reframed, like my whole journey. I was like I'm on this journey to learn and grow, Like I didn't feel like that all the time, but I could remind myself of that and at least feel better.

Speaker 2: 23:40

And so then my husband passed away, my son graduated from high school and then I got remarried and again I'm kind of giving you the Cliff Notes version, but you know, my husband and I went on our honeymoon to Peru a year and a half ago and got COVID really bad and there's a lot of reasons behind that, but I won't get into that. I have a good immune system, but at that time so we both got really sick. I had to fly home and I am that person likes to go, you know, go, go, go, go go. And I hadn't slowed down really for a long time and I believe that that's when we get sick, I just like slow down. You need to like reflect right now and take some time to yourself. And and I started feeling really uncomfortable, Like you know, when you get that edgy, feeling like oh, I don't.

Speaker 2: 24:28

I feel like uncomfortable, but I don't know why. Well, the reason why you're feeling that way is because you're meant for more. That's really it, it's true, and so I did kind of agree.

Speaker 2: 24:39

And I was like I know I'm meant for more, Like this is not my last chapter, I'm 54, but something big is going to happen and and I was like I don't know what to do, Like, so just do something, take a tiny baby step. And so for me it was like a huge, gigantic step to just click and join a podcasting class. Like I just joined a class. And then I was like, hmm, like that was huge for me.

Speaker 1: 25:02

So I'm like I love it, Cause there's like a million things you could have done. What was it about the podcasting?

Speaker 2: 25:07

Yeah, good question. So you know, there there was, there's, there still might be a book in me, and you know. But I couldn't get myself to write it. And one day someone said to me podcasting is just like writing a book. You're just talking instead and you know you can still get all your wisdom out, and but it's just in a different way and I didn't know.

Speaker 2: 25:29

Like, honestly, was like maybe podcasting is not going to be my thing, but I needed to do something. Like that's my advice to anybody who's stuck, who's feeling stuck, guess what? Like just pick a tiny, courageous step, tiny, tiny, like click, I'm going to take this class, or you know. Or I'm going to, like go to a chamber of commerce meeting and meet. If I'm going to talk to one person, like that's my goal for today.

Speaker 2: 25:55

You know just something, because I think once you start taking action, you get the clarity right. Like you get a bit of clarity and then you take another action which leads to more clarity, and then all of a sudden, like over time, things just they become clear. It's not like I woke up one morning and said I'm going to have a podcast called she's Brave. Actually, I started out saying I'm going to have a podcast on caregiving because I felt very lonely and it was a hard journey and I wanted to help others who were caregivers. So I thought I was going to do a podcast on caregiving but it felt really, really heavy to me because it was making me live continuously in my past.

Speaker 2: 26:37

So I did an exercise that a lot of coaches do, that a lot of classes do. This is a very common exercise. There's various forms of it, but I'm going to tell you just the basic form of mad of it is reach out to five people who know you really, really well and ask them what are my strengths? Again, that's terrifying. Like the very first person that I reached out to was my BFF and I was still scared to like reach out to her and say how do you see me Like, what are my greatest strengths? And, Tabitha, the same answer came back over and over and over again. Every single person said you're incredibly brave, courageous, you're incredibly resilient and you're 100% authentic. You live life 100% according to your own standards. You don't care what other people think it's beautiful and like. People really admired that in me, Like all my friends and family, they really admired that in me and I didn't see that in myself.

Speaker 1: 27:32

I didn't see that how the same people admire the most are not how much money you make or where you live, like when you really really get to it. They admire the most the bravery, the resiliency and those soft skills that we often can't see in ourselves. And I just I love that you brought that up because, at the end of the day, that is the essence of who we are and who you are. Right, you bring that up, right.

Speaker 2: 28:00

Yeah. And so all of a sudden I was like, oh my gosh, like I realized that most women, or a lot of women that I knew, were not living that way, like they were not living authentically. They were very worried about the decisions that they were making and what people would think, and I was like, oh my gosh, I need to fix this. The other thing that I was so passionate about was think about that young 40 year old. Well, I think 40 is young, you know, just walking, opening the door to that emergency room and just having the courage just to say I don't know what to do, I need some help.

Speaker 2: 28:40

And then I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. But who wouldn't in my situation? Well, that's the thing. Who wouldn't? The point is like, who wouldn't? But you know, it's really important in my message to say, look, if I can go from that person to who I am today, you can too. And really that's what my whole podcast is about. It's not about me, it's me interviewing other people, other women, and I don't know why it was women. It just it just felt right to me. I was like I don't know why, I just want to work with women. But that's just me and you know, I mean I love men. I really thought I was going to work with men too, but then it just the she's brave, like that became like the name of my podcast.

Speaker 1: 29:21

So I'm like, well, I guess it's going to be for women and you know I feel like it's happening right now is there's this transition in the world where us older women I'm like 48, are helping the younger generation get over that girl bullying, clicky mindset, yeah For sure, and stepping on each other and we're trying to, in our wisdom right, help them break that cycle that has 100%, 100%. That has to go on for two, 100%.

Speaker 2: 29:51

Yeah, and that is part of my mission too is that I feel like if we don't lift each other up, help each other out, not compete with each other, it's not a competition. And again, like I work on that in the class too and I I really am like that's a big part of starting any business. Stop it. You're not competing with anybody else. You're only competing with yourself. You're unique. The thing that you are doing or offering is unique and there's, there's nothing. You don't have to worry about what anybody else is thinking.

Speaker 2: 30:21

And part of the trick of doing that is getting off of social media. Like I literally slap up my posts and I don't scroll around. Really, you know, and that took me a while too, cause I had I was having a major imposter syndrome when I launched on my late husband's birthday, january 2nd 2023. I was like I'd see other people doing all of these things and I'm like, but I'm not doing that yet, like, and I don't have time for that right now. I know I'm going to get to it, but that would stress me out. I was like I got to tune all that out and it's not a competition and I've got to learn that the people who resonate with me, resonate with me. The people that resonate with you, tabitha, resonate with you.

Speaker 2: 30:57

And the irony of it was, you know, my bestie podcasting friend had a podcast. She has a podcast. She's in the top 3% globally and she, our topics are very similar and I remember thinking, oh my gosh, like, but we still would like lift each other up and call each other, and it was so beautiful, we'd put right together and all that stuff. And I remember thinking, but aren't we competing with each other? And here we are a year later and what's absolutely fascinating is that her podcast is completely different than mine. It reaches a completely different audience because we're two very different people and we even share guests.

Speaker 2: 31:37

Like I'm like, hey, this is a good guest, you should interview this person. The interview that she does is completely different information than what I had. Like it goes in a completely different direction. So I have learned that you can even have the exactly the same topic, whatever, whatever. Our's wasn't exactly the same, but and it really helped me be like it doesn't matter and there are not enough women's voices being heard in the world. We are not. We are still not speaking up, we are still afraid, like we're so and I'm not talking about being angry, I am not an angry person at all Like but I was always, you know, just keeping my mouth shut and smoothing things over and trying to say the thing that would make somebody feel better for a long time, when I was young, you know, and and I still thought you could do that to figure it out.

Speaker 1: 32:22

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:24

And that's not authentic. Here's the thing too when you are doing that and you're not authentically, you other people sense that in you too, so they're like she's a little phony, she's a little off. What people really want is authenticity. I can't remember if you were on the live call where we had a guest speaker and her name is Nubia Kamishashade and she said something that I had never heard before in podcasting and I was just sort of gobsmacked. She said everybody today is craving emotional intimacy. We're tired of texting. There's no, nothing, no emotion with texting. You know, we don't even talk to each other on the phone. We text, we email, we're on our computer, we're on our phones, we watch the news, we watch somebody to robotically spewing out stuff.

Speaker 2: 33:12

She says what everybody's craving is emotional intimacy and connection, and that's why podcasting is blowing up and that's why there's so much room for all of us in podcasting. And I want more women's voices out there, because I like what you said, like I want to change this younger generation, like let's work together, let's lift each other up. That's what I'm doing 100%. I'm a 100% that example. I am helping everybody, as you know. You know I am out there like helping you, anybody, everybody, like I, want to see you in that top 2.5%. I want to hear your voice. And it's so interesting that she said we're craving podcasts, you know, and not like a newscast. We're craving real conversation where people get deep and they talk about and they get really.

Speaker 1: 34:04

You know, they learn that way. They hear their story and then it becomes safe, Like when I run women's retreats. The biggest breakthroughs are not when I'm standing up there teaching. It's when somebody in the group says this is what I'm struggling with and then somebody else gets that. Look on their face like, oh my gosh, me too, Like that's what I'm struggling with, and I didn't have the words until you had them. And now I have them and it's. There's just so much beauty in validation and community. I own a wellness center so I had to close down during COVID and the thing people missed the most was in person connection. Oh my gosh, yeah for sure. Validation, yeah, yeah, Connection, and you know you're and you know, you're even just your presence.

Speaker 2: 34:49

like one of the people in my class reached out to me yesterday and she said you know you had like there was. There was one class where I was actually physically away yeah, I had, you know my body, you know teach the class. And my friend was like okay, christina, there's just something about you that like lifts people up. It just wasn't like quite the same. And she said, every time I got off the call, like the live Zoom teaching session, I was like so lit up and I was enthusiastic and I was like the rest of my day went great and what's so cracks me up? I got to tell you she signed up again.

Speaker 2: 35:30

So she signed up. So right now we have an early bird special of $111. We're not launching until day after Valentine's Day, but she already signed up for the next class because she's like I'm amazing. She said I kind of miss some of it. And she said there's something about your presence and that's what it is too right Like. It's the presence and people caring about each other. And as women, we literally are needing to retrain us and the younger generation. Come on like there is no competition. There's no competition in the way even we look, because guess what, men like all different kinds of women's, all different shapes and sizes, it doesn't matter, there's no competition.

Speaker 2: 36:13

Like the right men, man will fall in love with you. My late husband used to say to me I will love you and thank you are drop dead gorgeous until the day you die or I die. And he said I don't care even how much you weigh. You know you weigh this, you weigh that. He's like if you're 400 pounds, I'm still going to love you, I don't care, I don't care. I remember one time we were watching a movie with Angelina Jolie and I was just like. I just looked at him and I said she's so beautiful and he said, he just like looked right back at me and he said she's not as pretty as you, you know, and like in his eyes that was true, like that's true.

Speaker 1: 36:52

I love that.

Speaker 2: 36:53

You know, and why is this a competition?

Speaker 1: 36:57

You know we were pitted against each other. Here's my theory People who are pitted against each other are easier to control because then they come together. I love that statement and we've been pitted against each other for so long and it's sad. I mean I see it with my own daughter, who's 18. She was bullied really bad from her friend group. There's a year and a half later of her completely going no contact, they're still finding fake numbers to reach her and affecting her and I'm like why are their lives so painful that they want to keep inflicting pain on her? What is so painful about their existence that they're doing that to her? Because she's she's my kid.

Speaker 1: 37:46

So I'm like you know you're authentic, like you're strong, they're thinking about you. Who's in power, like right now, right, like, so, like, just remember, you're not thinking about them, they're thinking about you. But like that girl, clickiness and that I have to, there's only a certain number of seats at the table is driving that behavior and that's why we have to go OK, it's not the victim or the bully, it's both that are suffering. And how we lift them all up and empower them so that we stop fighting against each other and we hold space and lift each other up and really bring out each other's like greatest qualities and be there to be like sometimes my house is messy, like if you looked at the room I'm in recording in right now it's, it's terrible.

Speaker 1: 38:33

I was laughing because I was like, well, this camera is like right here, but but I mean like I mean, how much judgment do we have for one another? And I think that it's our jobs as as older women to to change that narrative and show women what does it look like and feel like when we lift each other up instead of push each other down and just really show up authentically, just like you said. And I love the fact that you basically show women who overcome these huge challenges and how they're brave and what they've done with that bravery and that resiliency, because that's what we need is more heroines to look up to, right, like people that we can go wow, like if they made it through that I can make it through the PTA meeting where everybody thinks that I don't belong, or like you know, my crappy cookies that didn't look so good I brought them, yeah, and even just like these tiny tips that are like literally game changers.

Speaker 2: 39:29

Like back in a few months ago I interviewed a woman named Sarah Hammond and at one time she was the top recruiter in New York City and she isn't anymore because she's working on building like a women's community and so you know she still does recruiting but she's like I don't need to be number one anymore, blah, blah. But one of the questions I asked her was yeah, like that's a hard job because like recruiting, like that's where you're calling up Joe at Microsoft and saying, joe, did you know that Amazon really wants to hire you? Like what will it take for you to quit working at Microsoft and go to Amazon? And I'm like she was doing it from the time she was in her 20s and I said I couldn't have done that in my 20s, like I just couldn't have taken that rejection. I said how did you do that? And she said well, here's the key. She said a no doesn't mean no forever. You know, just because Joe's saying no today, it might be because he's going through a divorce. He's not telling me that, but you know he's super stressed out, he can't make a change, or you know what he's. He's satisfied with his salary right now, but six months from now maybe that divorce is done, maybe he's looking at buying the bigger house. I mean, everything changes all the time.

Speaker 2: 40:47

And so, just like, and what I've learned on my own podcasting journey in reaching out for people to come on my podcast is, you know, not everybody's going to say yes and that first no stings the most. Ouch, it really hurts your projection, you know. But the more you do it you actually get kind of like numb Like, and you also realize it's not personal, it's it's like who knows why they said no and you know, a year from now they might say yes. So, you know, maybe reach out again one more time.

Speaker 2: 41:16

I mean, I have schedulers that reach out to me now, all the time there's a. They're like hey, I've got this client who wants to come on your podcast and sometimes I just am too busy, like I like read the message and then I forget about the email again, then it's lost, right, then they reach out, the smart ones reach out a week later hey, just checking in with you about Susie Smith. You know, did you get a chance to read about her yet? And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, today I have time to actually go through that. And then I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have Susie Smith come on. You know so I have learned so much about no, you know just like, and so like. That little key taught me, but it taught all my listeners that too, you know.

Speaker 2: 42:05

And that's the kind of stuff that I'm trying to dig out of all these women like how you know, how can we, how can you get to living that life of your dreams, like I want everybody living the life of your dreams? Somebody interviewed me a week ago and said her last question. I thought it was great. Somebody said just tell me if you could have like the perfect life, if you can imagine that, what would that look like? And I said I'm already there, I'm doing it, I'm here, I wouldn't change anything. I love my life. I love that.

Speaker 2: 42:40

I want everybody in that place.

Speaker 1: 42:42

You know, I totally agree, that's my whole new monthly membership program that starts in January is all about how to create your dream life and like actually Love it.

Speaker 2: 42:52

Like Ah, I love that so much. That is such a huge service that you're doing. That is what everybody's looking for, right? Like?

Speaker 1: 43:01

yeah. So like our age, like in your 40s, you get to that point where you're like I've achieved the things that the material world said I should achieve. I have 2.5 kids or whatever in the house and the career, but I still feel empty and it's that emptiness. I think that then gets blamed on things like menopause or whatever, and I think that that's your soul calling and it's like hey, I had a bigger plan for you.

Speaker 2: 43:29

Yeah, and that's another thing you know I try to remember to talk about too is, like you know, a lot of your listeners out there are stay-at-home moms and I want to tell you it's totally okay to be a stay-at-home mom, because I did it for 12 years and here I am crushing it. So you know it's never too late, Don't give me that excuse. You can start working on whatever that dream is right today. You can take a time, even if you're a stay-at-home mom right now, like you're not going to start your business for another five years. Well, maybe there's one tiny thing you could do, Like you could jump on the internet and do like five minutes of research on and just play with it, have some fun, Like have some fun dreaming, building, planning. You know there's always room for that, yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:14

I loved being like it's so funny that you mentioned that I loved being a stay-at-home mom and I think my dream was to be like a stay-at-home mom because I just really wanted to have that experience. And then when I had to go back to work I was so upset Like I felt like my dream got busted. But it's so cool that we have a world now where we have choices right, where we can.

Speaker 2: 44:35

We don't always have choices. I mean, there's so many of us that have to go back to work, and again, that's okay too, like it's not going to ruin your kids, they're going to be fine. You know, you do what we have to do, but think about the life that you want to live and find things like the course that you're leading to, where, like, how, how like. Do I really know myself? Like I think I want the mansion. Is that really what I want or is there something else you know?

Speaker 1: 45:05

like I had this vision of creating this wellness center that had like a franchise and all of these things that it was like and have retreat centers. And I had this vision that I wanted to bring into the world. And then my coach said are you sure that's what you want? Do you really want to deal with leases and employees? And as he started saying it, I was like, no, that sounds horrible. Actually, I can't imagine anything worse. And then that's when I went into oh, I'm creating my online business, because what I want is freedom with my schedule and I don't want the responsibilities of any of that type of stuff. And it was very amazing to sit down and think about what is it that I actually want? And it wasn't what I thought, and so totally agree, and that's you know.

Speaker 2: 45:52

Again, it gets back to just everything in the media kind of tells us what they think we should want, and that's not necessarily what is going to make us happy.

Speaker 1: 46:03

So yeah, yeah, love that. Okay, so I have a few more questions. I really enjoyed all of this beautiful information that you've shared so far. So if you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be Like? So, if you think back to the 40 year old you who was really having their whole dreams kind of like torn apart by something that was completely out of their control, what would you give that advice or information or pep talk? Would you give that version of yourself?

Speaker 2: 46:33

Okay. So for the 40 year old, I would say you know everything happens for a reason. It's okay. You know you're still going to enjoy life. You will learn to enjoy life, like there will always be things not going quite the way you want to, so you have to learn how to just be happy without being like, well, I'll be happy when this thing happens. Like you have to just stop that stuff.

Speaker 2: 46:56

And I mean that's what I would say to my 40 year old self. To my 18 year old self. I would really say it's so different, right, like there's such difference in ages. But like I wanted to go back to a really young self and say don't worry about what other people think of you. Yeah, I know, I was so worried about what everybody thought about me. You know it's so funny, oh gosh. I think 18 year olds do think that it's very typical, it's very normal, I think, and it's something that they have to work on. But at least you know, with me saying this, you know there's they can have some awareness, right. Like you know, the moms can talk to their daughters about that.

Speaker 1: 47:34

Yes, and to remember that when you're 18, everybody is thinking about themselves. They're not thinking about you.

Speaker 2: 47:42

I know, I've told my son that too. It's so funny, but they don't quite believe you.

Speaker 1: 47:48

They're like no, no, all right.

Speaker 2: 47:49

That's great advice I love it.

Speaker 1: 47:55

And then, what did you need back then? Well, think about your 18 year old self that you wish you had had access to.

Speaker 2: 48:03

I think, more help and advice on gaining confidence so that I could live my authentic life. Like there wasn't a lot of reading material, there weren't courses out there like the course that you're teaching, like that didn't exist back in those days. No, and I just think, gosh, if these young women can get started on their self development journey really young, like the younger I mean, it's crazy to think how happy and amazing their lives are going to be.

Speaker 1: 48:38

Oh, I love it you said that. Yeah, because I sat down with both of my kids and I was like I'm not going to encourage you to go down the traditional path. In fact, I'm going to just Wow, I love that I said so. I need you to like really tap in and think about what you want, like 20 years from now, 30 years from now? Yeah, I think I pay for college.

Speaker 2: 48:58

Yeah, unless it's an investment, unless you want to go, yeah, yeah, why? Why you just don't go? Just because, like, that's what you're supposed to do? That's a great attitude. I love that.

Speaker 1: 49:09

It was amazing because my daughter, who's like a type nine on the NARG, which is the people pleaser she really took off and went and thought about it for about six months and then she came back and said here's my plan. I'm going to go study real estate with my uncle and he's offered to be an. I can be his apprentice. She had her own plan and I was so proud of her because it was hers and it wasn't mine, it wasn't society's expectations, it was a hundred percent hers. And I cried because I meant she was going to leave the state.

Speaker 1: 49:41

But then I was like I also can't complain because it's so perfectly in alignment and authentic to you and I feel proud of you for for that plan and then later you always get to change and adjust. But yeah, so I love that and I really brought that up because I just think that we get into habit loops where we're not asking our kids what they want, like who they are. And Brunet Brown, when I read her book the Gift of Imperfect Parenting, said that the number one complaint from middle schoolers was that their parents didn't see them for them, only for what they thought they should be doing. Oh, wow, I really changed how I parented from less from an ego place and more from that like Wow, that's amazing.

Speaker 2: 50:28

I love that it's hard. I think I think that is a big thing in our culture is like we. We will automatically default to ego parenting for sure, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 50:40

And it's always. Will everyone think I'm a good parent because of how? Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yep, I'm letting that go was probably one of the best gifts I ever gave myself and my kids so Cool they're very much themselves. So I have one last question for you, or two last questions. Okay, what is one of the most significant synchronicities or signs that told you you were on the right path? Was there like somebody who said something to you or where you felt the presence of the universe, saying, yes, this is, this is the right choice for you? Like, is there something like that?

Speaker 2: 51:15

Oh my gosh, I have so many synchronicities because, well, I grow through phases I pay more attention to the synchronicities than other times. But, yeah, I have some really big ones. This one is really taking it really deep again. Here we go, and you know, whether you believe in a life beyond or after or not, this is my story. Okay, so when my husband passed away it was during COVID. He aspirated some food, he had a do not resuscitate, so you know they took him to the hospital to keep him comfortable with morphine because the care home didn't have morphine. They were wonderful. He had like one-on-one care at the end and everything. But so I got a call late at night and I went to the hospital.

Speaker 2: 52:01

There's a whole nother story that I'm going to have to kind of pull in here for a second, but other unconventional decisions that I had to make. But I that it was really for my benefit and my son's benefit was my husband had had all the imers for like seven years. I was very lonely. I was very just, not really myself and his family, because of a really big family. He's the oldest of four and they all came to me and said please move on with your life Like join a single parent group, just go out to dinner with girlfriends or even a guy, like, if you want to have, you want to have a companion. You know Bill doesn't recognize you anymore. You're not going to hurt his feelings. And I really resisted that for a while but I did eventually again, because I do what's you know best for me. I was like, well, people might not agree with this decision, but they were like you're young, you've got too much life left. And so I did. And I did end up meeting Blake, who is now my current husband. So Blake drove me to to the hospital and was COVID. So they said they said only one person and that was me.

Speaker 2: 53:07

Of course it was hard. Two different doctors said to me we're not treating this, and I think they expected me to resist it, like because it was treatable with antibiotics. But I said I said no, I understand. And they said he has a do not resuscitate, so we can't do anything. And I said I know. And I asked both of them how long does he have? And they both said 12 to 24 hours.

Speaker 2: 53:28

So by then it's like one o'clock in the morning and it's hard and scary to be alone in the room with somebody who's dying. I have done it before and so I know the signs. And my husband's breathing was, you know, very steady. So I felt like he was not close to being. I was like, wow, we've got like 12 to 24 hours, it's not a long time, you know. His breathing was steady, although when they did the COVID test he didn't even flinch, so he was completely unconscious. Like she said, he's already gone. He is, he's breathing, but he's gone. So you know, but you know, so I'm like.

Speaker 2: 54:08

So I called up Blake and I said I just need a few hours to sleep. There was not a bed for me there, there was nothing. I just said I want to sleep just for like four hours and then I'll come back, you know, because I want to be there when he passes. And they told me 12 to 24 hours. Well, what happened? I went home and then he died. All right, like it's like really. So that's usually how it goes, is they wait till you leave and then they die, and you know.

Speaker 2: 54:36

So I got the call and at like six in the morning and you know it hit me, you know, because it's a whole different thing, because they're physically not there, and I just fell on my knees, you know, and I said a prayer, like I didn't say it out loud, but I was like looking, I was kind of looking up and I was demanding. I said you know, god and Bill, my husband, I need to know that Bill is okay. Bill, I need to know you're okay. Please send me a sign ASAP, like I'm just, I'm so grief stricken right now. Okay, and that's what I did. I mean, who does that? I don't know.

Speaker 2: 55:15

But anyway, so I didn't tell Blake, I just you know this, but what happened was, right after I asked that, I got this very clear picture of a bald eagle. I'm like really, that's really weird, what is that? And so, but I just decided I'm keeping it to myself. So you know, the hospital's, like you need to come back, you've got paperwork to fill out and we got to do this and that and that bed's got to be used, and you know, I know that they were actually awful to me. That's a whole another story.

Speaker 2: 55:48

But I, so he drove me back and we were, we lived kind of out in the country outside of Seattle, and we were driving through a valley and I was just looking down at my phone, you know, just, I think trying to distract myself a little bit and I was like, yeah, just process it. And I hadn't told Blake and all of a sudden Blake just yells look, there's a bald eagle up in that tree over there, like as we were driving by, and I looked up and there it was, and I went there, it is there, it is there, it is there, it is. And then I said Blake, there it is. And then I told him the whole story and he went he's okay. And I'm like, yeah, he's okay, you know. And so that's like my probably my most powerful story of synchronicity, that's so powerful.

Speaker 2: 56:36

You know, take what you want from it, but, like for me, it gave me that piece of that. He was okay. And the other thing is that my husband, you know he always wanted to take care of me. Like at one point when we moved I packed up his office and there were these little sticky notes all over the office and I said I need to take care of my wife and my child. Like he wanted to take care of us so bad so that after he died, believe it or not, he showed up in my dreams pretty much every night for an entire year. It was just like he was young again and we were going back 20 years and we would just hang out and talk. It was so weird. He was in my dreams and I felt like it was quality visiting time. I got to spend more time with him. Then I got remarried and the dream stopped. It was almost like my husband was holding my hand, right up until I said I do With like- that's really beautiful.

Speaker 2: 57:43

I just wanted to make sure that I was going to be okay. Boy, we've kind of really gone really deep today.

Speaker 1: 57:49

here I love that, though, because I have so many synchronicities of, especially people who passed and sent me messages and I didn't even know that was a thing. It's so beautiful to hear it because I think people read them.

Speaker 2: 58:05

I do and I have never had that before. But I've also never asked for it before. I really demanded it for me. It just gave me all the peace I needed.

Speaker 1: 58:18

I think when you're in grief, you need those signs more than ever, like to be like I need something to anchor in on everything's okay and working out the way it should be. Those big gestures from the universe or wherever the messages coming from are just enough to get you through the really rough ones, like the really beautiful. I love that. That's amazing. Okay, last question You're on a desert island and you can only bring one book. What's the book?

Speaker 2: 58:50

Oh, I love this question. I'm going to go. I have read so many great books over the years Like I love a return to love with Mary Ann Williamson, I love I'm codependent no more. With Melody Beatty. Those are older books but, man, during my 20s I was like she was the first person. Melody Beatty was the first person to actually bring that word to the forefront codependency Like what is it? It was like a game changer for me. But I'm going to go with a book that I'm reading currently, that I'm getting so much out of. It's called 101 Essays that Will Change the Way you Think, by Brianna Wiest. It's so succinct, it's so precise and it's just like really powerful. I'm loving it and I'm growing and learning from it. So, since I love to just keep growing and learning, like that's my book, like if I had to go today, that's the one that's coming with me.

Speaker 1: 59:50

I love it. That's awesome, thank you. Oh, this has been so much fun and I just really want to thank you for being so open and vulnerable and honest and authentically you, and also for bringing so many beautiful, courageous stories to the public and teaching other women how to do the same. Like I just think that you're on a beautiful heroine's journey of taking something painful and turning it into your purpose and it's like, oh, I love that Same. I just think that's amazing. So thank you. Any closing words before yeah, how could people find you?

Speaker 2: 1:00:27

Oh, yeah, let's start with that, let's do that first and then I'll have like just a closing phrase. But you know my website is wwwshe'sbravepodcastcom. So if you want to sign up for my upcoming class it's called Podcast Mastery your six month journey to the global elite Only $11 right now, until January 15. You can go there. You can also find me on Instagram at she's Brave Podcast. So I think those are the two best places. Also, I have a podcasting group. If you just go to Facebook and it's free and it's the free, yeah, you'll put the link in and it's part of. If you just like Google and in Facebook, Podcast Mastery. So, like, the last code I want to leave your listeners with is our greatest sense of freedom is being authentic to ourselves.

Speaker 1: 1:01:20

I love that.

Speaker 2: 1:01:22

I love that. Yeah, yeah, thanks so much for having me on today, tabitha, thank you, and thank you for being my first guest. This has been so fun.

Speaker 1: 1:01:29

Of course it's been a ball. You're natural I love it, I love it, so okay. So I'm going to thank you again for your time and I'm going to post all your contact information in the show notes. Again, thank you for being an inspiration for me to start my podcast and giving me the tools and guidance on how to do that. I highly recommend joining Christina's group. It's hard to do alone. It's really hard to do alone.

Speaker 2: 1:01:54

I totally agree with that, and actually it's not just podcasting, Doing being an entrepreneur in any way. It's hard to do alone and the group support is actually one of the biggest keys and another key I'm giving some of it away, secrets from my class but another key is collaboration, and you need that by being in a group. So, yeah, come on with me, join my class, you know, join the Facebook group, We'll have fun.

Speaker 1: 1:02:17

Yeah, I think you should all do it, so okay, thank you so much. Thanks, tabitha.